#my fic: feral jasper & mary alice

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas Day 11: Feral Jasper/Mary-Alice

Good evening ducklings! I've come down with a spectacular flu, so more notes tomorrow. I got a bunch of different requests for today, so I picked one at random and it was Feral Jasper/Mary-Alice.

But all the suggestions were fun and excellent, so I will be doing a few more snippet posts in January to get them all in <3

Anyway, it's time I got some sleep so I hope you enjoy this part!

As with most things, the time comes for the Cullens to move on. It’s been five years since they arrived in Pennsylvania, and anything longer will invite gossip about the young doctor and his family living in that big old house outside town. They already draw enough attention as it is.

So it’s time to go. Carlisle and Esme decide that privately, out of earshot of the others, before they make the announcement. It’s going to be more difficult this time, because it’s Jasper’s first move. This is the only home that he’s known since they found him, and leaving it will be a strain. They’ve watched him since he arrived here become stronger and more certain in his place amongst them. And this place, this house and the looming forest, played an important role in that. They only have so many properties with grounds this size, that are appropriate for a vampire to roam privately and safely.

But vampires are traditionally nomadic, and just because the scenery and set changes, doesn’t mean anything else will. Esme is convinced she can make Jasper understand that this is necessary and a good thing. Montana will be wonderful; the hunting there is good, and even though they don’t technically own a large parcel of land there, they have a great deal of privacy.

Jasper’s so reasonable, there’s no reason he wouldn’t understand.

None at all.

//

Mary-Alice is perched in the crook of a branch when Jasper shows up. She’s exactly where he left her, except for the fact that she ran into the second-closest town to hunt (Jasper had been unhappy when she admitted to hunting in the nearest town; the Cullens needed complete secrecy and Mary-Alice’s first few hunts made the Cullens worried and suspicious about nomads. She flat-out refused to give up human blood entirely, not when it made her stronger and sharper than animal blood, but she had quickly agreed that running a few more miles to the next appropriate town was not an issue.)

“Jasper.” She immediately abandons her task - weaving together stems and leaves into some kind of coronet. It’s a good task, one that keeps her mind still.

If she didn’t have something to occupy her in the hours Jasper was back with the Cullens, she’d go completely mad worrying that harm had fallen to him, even if she knows with conviction that Emmett would protect Jasper if anything happened. That’s reassuring in a foreign way - she’s never really had anyone to entrust with anything. She’s never really had anything valuable enough to need to protect it, aside from her own life.

(Maria would be laughing at her now. She spent decades trying to crush any sort of emotion or ambition from her people, to know that Mary-Alice spends most of her day on tenterhooks over the safety of her dearest… friend, that would make Maria howl with laughter. She always said that Mary-Alice was too sour and unpleasant to have a mate or a coven or even a friend. No one likes a girl who calculates the force, weight, and trajectory of their decapitation the first time they meet.)

He looks drawn and almost worried when he looks at her, but there’s a softening around his eyes when he spots her - he has to remind himself to relax so often, that she can almost spot the moments he tells himself to calm down.

But Jasper still looking solemn the she lands on the boulder next to him, to do her usual check of his state - he’s washed, his clothing is neat and clean, and his eyes are bright. No changes in the last few hours, which is good. That’s what she wants.

“Mary-Alice.” He reaches out and takes her hand, squeezing it.

They haven’t really talked about the kiss on the cheek. He had caught her by surprise, do that, and she didn’t entirely understand what he meant by that. He’d told her something about saving him, but he was running out of words when he explained, so she didn’t push. But since then, he touches her more often. And yes, she has some rather… feline tendencies as far as curling up against him when they’re alone. Emmett Cullen had laughed at her and asked if she was going to start purring the singular time he’d caught her curling up half on Jasper’s lap. But the touching that Jasper has started doing is something very, very different. He’s holding her hand a lot, touching her hair and her face which makes her edgy, and he’s holding her more, especially before he leaves.

“Something’s wrong,” she says in that same flat voice she greeted him with.

“The Cullens are leaving Pennsylvania.” The strain on his face is suddenly evident and that’s bad. That’s when he starts to struggle the most, with his weakness, his speech, his physical coordination. He’s made amazing strides over the last year, but there is always regression when he’s upset - like when Rosalie Cullen tried to teach him to drive.

“Where are they going?” This isn’t unexpected. It is obvious that they couldn’t maintain a permanent residence in a town this small, especially if Carlisle Cullen was posing as a human. She’s seen little flashes of things, but nothing concrete - mentioning it to Jasper would have been pointless and distressing.

“Montana. Friday. We leave for Montana on Friday.” He’s tugged free of her now, and is pacing. “We’ve driving to Montana, we have to pack the house.” Oh, very distressed - his speech is stilted and repetitive.

“Calm.” She tries to make her voice gentle but she doesn’t think it works very well because he doesn’t even look at her. “Everything will be fine, Jasper.”

“I won’t go without you.” He stops then and has the most stubborn look she’s ever seen on his face. It’s almost cute, the indignant expression and the way he looks directly at her. “I won’t leave you behind.”

She gives him a small smile. “Unless you tell me to go, I’ll follow you wherever you go,” she replies and his stance softens slightly. “Do they still think that I’m a delusion?”

Jasper scowls. A yes, then.

“I wouldn’t like travelling in a vehicle anyway.” She can’t imagine how many things this family has that driving is a necessity. So far, she’s calculated that Jasper has at least twelve sets of clothing, which would be difficult to carry long-term. And that doesn’t even consider any of the books that Jasper has mentioned are in the house. It’s only been two months since Jasper presented her with the little oilskin bag to carry her ‘things’ (a dried flower, a wooden comb, a spare dress) so that she didn’t have to discard anything that wasn’t safe in her pocket. “I’ll run.”

Jasper shakes his head, and there’s a puff of frustration and worry that brushes against her for a split second.

“I could beat the Cullens there,” Mary-Alice reminds him, trying to be reassuring. She’s not very good at it.

“What if you run into trouble?” Jasper is frowning.

“I am trouble.” She doesn’t think that he gets it, honestly. That anyone who runs into her won’t walk away if they decide to pick a fight.

Jasper closes his eyes. “Will you meet them?” He finally asks.

Silence.

She looks into the future, to see what would happen so close to the Cullens move. And the vision flows so easily, it’s practically set in stone.

Carlisle and Esme horrified. Rosalie angry. Edward stoic. Emmett trying desperately to mediate. Montana is cancelled. They’re going to Vermont before settling in somewhere with snow; there are five other vampires there, solemn when the Cullens arrive. They’re trying to lose her, trying to hide Jasper from her, and he’s not recovered enough to be able to stand his ground. Instead, she’s left weaving her way through the country to try and find him again.

“They will spook if I approach them now.”

He sighs and looks down. “I worry about you,” he says simply, and Mary-Alice doesn’t have any idea how to reply to that.

[goldeneyedgirl]

TwiFicmas23 Day 8: Mary-Alice & Feral Jasper

Good evening!

Tonight we're opting for some Mary-Alice & Feral Jasper because @sonyawix deserves nice things, and these two are so cute to write. It's a soft and gentle little fic where they get to be cute and awkward together.

This is a bit of a patchwork of bits and pieces from throughout the fic, and kind of establishes some of the dynamic.

I am off to sleep for eight hours and procrastinate over tomorrow's post! I hope you enjoy this!

She watches him from the bower of the tree, as he picks his path away from his coven. She’s lucky she’s downwind; her visions show her that they won’t scent her from this perch. 

And she finally gets to see him in person. 

He’s very tall and lean, but he walks slightly stooped and she wonders why. He looks like he’s waiting for a blow to fall, and she doesn’t like that at all. His hair looks clean and is pulled back from his face, and his clothes are … better than hers, at least. She had to rip up a shirt into strips and knot them tightly into a belt to make her dress sit a little better, and it was filthy and torn. His are ill-fitting and worn, but they aren’t dirty. 

His eyes are still black, and that worries her. She cannot think of any vampire whose eyes have remained black for so long, not even when Maria was holding hostages to get more information.

But she doesn’t know how long he was locked away, and she knows nothing about torpor. Mary-Alice has never been around a vampire that wasn’t healed up in a day or two. Or rather, they’d never kept any soldier that wasn’t healed that fast unless they had a special reason to keep them. This kind of injury is entirely foreign to her. 

//

The girl appears from the trees in a split second, as if she’s materialised from  thin air, and there’s enormous relief that he’s not imagining her, like the Cullens think, and he’s not going mad. There was someone watching him

He stares at her with unbridled fascination. 

She’s so … beautiful. Wide red eyes, a pale face framed in uneven black hair with hopeful little curls. She’s tiny, she doesn’t come up to the middle of his chest, and as thin as a dancer. Her clothing is shredded and filthy, there’s blood and mud on her dress indiscriminately. She’s a new kind of vampire, not like the Cullens, and not like the kinds that he can vaguely remember from his past. There’s something wild about her, like she’s just been formed out of the trees and dirt around them, and he likes that.

The scars take a moment for him to notice. They are littering her bare arms and legs, some of them faded and worn into the fabric of her skin, some of them fresher. There’s a nasty one over her eye, and he’s suddenly intensely aware of his own scars. He remembers the pain that came with them, the suffering, and he hopes this girl hasn’t fallen victim to the same misery he only remembers in fragments of agony and rage and fear. 

“Hello?” His voice is still more of a rasp; his healing is slow, and it’s embarrassing to show such weakness to her. He’s also not the one who usually speaks first, and he wonders if he should have waited. He doesn’t know. Usually, the Cullens correct him if he makes a mistake, but they aren’t here. 

It took him weeks to convince them that he was well enough to go on walks alone. He’s grateful that Emmett took his side. He’s got nowhere to run to; he doesn’t understand this world and how it works, and he knows that until he heals, he probably wouldn’t survive long. 

But Esme worried so much, as if the foxes and deer in the woods might be the thing that carried him off. 

He’s rather tickled that only his second time out alone, and he’s found… her. Except, she just studies him with a blank look; not anger but no pleasure or joy. Just quiet consideration, and he wonders too late if she’s planning to attack him. 

//

He looks better. 

She likes that. 

He’s clean and wearing new clothing, and not stooping any longer. His eyes are a funny gold-tinted colour but he’s been feeding - they’re lighter and they’re clearer now, no longer clouded over. Good, that’s good; she’s oddly grateful that the Cullens know how to help him because she had asked Maria casually about some of the injuries he’d bore, and Maria had not had the faintest clue about what she spoke of. It had made her suspicious, which had slowed down her escape exponentially. 

She might still be annoyed about that. She could have been here weeks ago if Maria hadn’t decided to be difficult. 

Jasper seems calm and curious as he moves closer to her; but he’s still limping. And it does frustrate her that the Cullens have let him out to roam the forest without warnings that he shouldn’t be approaching strange vampires. Anyone else might have taken his head before he realised they were even there. 

Something else she’ll have to explain to him then. She’s got a mental list of things already, and she wasn’t expecting to stay that long, truly - just long enough to make sure that he was okay and safe. Then she was going to go and see what snow was like. 

It looked nice in the pictures she’d seen. 

He’s getting worried now, at the silence since he greeted her, and that’s her fault. She’s not used to having people to talk to - unless she was fucking them or they had a particular gift (well, at least, one that was common knowledge), Maria liked her soldiers silent. 

“They’re taking good care of you,” she says abruptly and wonders when she lost the ability to converse with others normally, and not like a soldier. 

“Who? The Cullens?” He stops and gives her a strange look. “Do you… know the Cullens?” The words rasp and catch in his throat, and he struggles to form the entire sentence, as if he’s trying to find and catch each word. Definitely still healing, and it sounds painful and dry when he speaks. 

Perhaps she can convince him to hunt more often to try and speed up the process. There’s a town less than an hour’s run from this place, it wouldn’t be hard for him to slip away and return before the family even knew. 

“Mmm. I wanted to … I wanted to make sure you were safe.” Her words are flat and short, and she can see his uncertainty. 

//

Emmett recognises the longing in Jasper’s eyes as he stares after the small girl wading in the lake. It’s pretty much the same look that Emmett had on his own face when he woke up and saw Rosalie - properly saw her - for the first time. 

Mary-Alice is really strange, but it doesn’t take rocket science to realize she’s had a bad time - even just the overlapping scars on her arms tell a story of violence and fear, but it’s in every part of her - by the way she moves, the way that she watches and stares, the way she speaks in the flat, even voice devoid of emotion, in short sentences. Wherever she came from, it wasn’t a good place, and Emmett’s oddly pleased that she’d found them - even if she was only hanging around because of Jasper like a stray cat, a thought that made him chuckle to himself - and had looked vaguely disgusted with the idea of spending time with the rest of the family.  

Of course, the rest of the family still thought Mary-Alice was some kind of imaginary coping-mechanism for Jasper that they were tentatively ignoring, so maybe she was offended. 

He should be grateful, actually. It’s taken a few weeks for Mary-Alice to stop glaring at him, to stop prowling around like some kind of jungle cat and freeze up, the second he appears. She’s still distant and rigid whenever Emmett appears, but she doesn’t treat him like he’s a danger anymore. And maybe he’d believe that this was trust and the path to friendship, except he’s seen her with Jasper.

When she’s focused on Jasper, there’s a gentleness in every aspect of her. She’s softer with him, patient and sweet. And she revolves around him like she’s his bodyguard against the world. She almost fusses over him, demanding to know when he’s hunted and how he’s healing. Emmett’s nearly certain he’s caught her smelling Jasper’s hair and clothing - perhaps to make sure he’s clean? Mary-Alice doesn’t seem to give much thought to her own state of cleanliness or her clothing, but Jasper’s are clearly important to her. And the way she stares up at Jasper - Mary-Alice has to be the tiniest vampire that Emmett’s ever seen, and Jasper’s only a few centimetres shorter than him - with this look that he suspects might have human feelings behind them.

Jasper would know better than him, though. But on the few attempts Emmett’s made to ask about that, Jasper’s given him a flat, stubborn look and refused to speak. 

So the longing is probably reciprocated - maybe. Alice just hides it better, behind a wall of protectiveness and anti-social personality traits. Emmett honestly can’t work out why she’d be caring and smelling and fussing over his brother if she didn’t care. 

But Emmett also worries; Jasper was walled up alone for so long that they’ve practically had to resocialize him. He remembered so little of human interaction that it had been a war zone at home for a while. Even now, he still had so many behaviours that Esme politely referred to as ‘quirks’ that they had to correct every day (and now Emmett’s wondering how many of the newer ‘quirks’ had been introduced or encouraged by Mary-Alice, who is practically a wild animal). The idea that Jasper is pining for a girl and all that a relationship entails…

Emmett really, really doesn’t want to have to give his new brother the sex talk.  And he knows if he tries to convince either Edward or Carlisle to step in and have the world’s most uncomfortable conversation, they’re going to want toknow why and then remind Emmett that they aren’t encouraging the idea that Mary-Alice is real. And if Mary-Alice isn’t real, then Jasper doesn’t need to suffer through the indignity of a sex-talk. 

It’s a mess. And Emmett’s relieved that Carlisle has decided not to introduce Jasper to the cousins yet because they all know that the sisters are incorrigible flirts, and he’s got a fifty on Jasper (and Mary-Alice) being utterly humourless about that kind of behaviour. 

Emmett also knows that if he tries to push Jasper into introducing Mary-Alice to the rest of the family, it will be a complete disaster. She’ll refuse point blank and then he will be persona non grata around her and … he doesn’t want to piss her off, and he doesn’t want to piss Jasper off. 

He also doesn’t want to have to refresh his brother’s memory on the mechanics of sex and why waiting to be fully healed might be the best choice …

He’s overthinking this. He should really stay out of it entirely. The thing is, he really wants this to work out for Jasper. He’s a good guy, if weird as fuck, and he deserves to have a nice home and a girlfriend that he’s madly in love with - even if the girl happens to be some scary little traumatized gremlin who Emmett can’t imagine smiling let alone being in love with someone. 

He really hopes this works out. 

—

[goldeneyedgirl]

TwiFicmas Redux: Shadow To Light

Happy New Year to everyone, and I hope 2024 is a beautiful and positive year for everyone - I think we've all earned it.

As promised, as an auspicious offering, the first 1000 words of the STL Ch 13 draft. Mary-Alice is being profoundly difficult about this chapter, but she's allowed to be a little bit messy.

Here's to a great year with more regular updates and more of my self indulgent nonsense ;)

Fourteen. Starved for so long of beauty

Once upon a time, a lifetime ago, she made a choice. It was an easy choice to make, because it was the right one. Because she didn’t truly know what came next; her certainty in her own visions, her certainty in who she was going to be - who the Major was going to be - had made her confident.

(She doesn’t regret it, she would never wish to go back and make a different decision. She just wishes… she just wishes that she knew better what was to come. What it was like to be stripped right down to the bone, layer by layer, from loneliness and violence and hopelessness. She wishes she’d read the contract she was signing in blood and tears and time, just so she could look fate in dead in the eye and make the same choice without a second thought.)

The Major smells like… he smells like something she doesn’t want to acknowledge.

(He smells like home.)

—

She feels silly after the worst of her panic attack is over, and the Major is there next to her with his arm around her. She feels utterly ridiculous, actually - the stolen t-shirt in her arms, curled against him so tightly… She almost feels ashamed.

(Except… she’s frustrated. She wants to demand answers - when is she allowed to fall down? When is she allowed to break apart and have someone else put together the pieces? In more than eighty years, it’s always been up to her to maintain control, to be the thing that bends but does not break and she’s so tired. But she’s also supposed to be better than this. Isn’t that what the Major always said? Why Peter always resented her? Even Maria noticed. Mary-Alice is sturdy, reliable, consistent. If she falls, she gets back up. It… it would just be nice not to, just once.)

“How are you feeling?”

The Major’s voice is warm and kind and it almost makes her feel less pitiful.

Almost.

“Present.” Her voice is quiet but her tone is clipped and distant, and she regrets it when she feels him withdraw slightly. She’s wrecking this, like she wrecks everything. It’s all she ever does.

(Maybe that’s why she was such a good soldier; she knows exactly how to ruin things.)

But the Major doesn’t leave. He just shifts so he’s not pressed quite so close, his cheek no longer resting against her hair. But his arm is still around her.

“Do you need to hunt?” He asks, and she doesn’t know. Everything feels odd and off balance and maybe she’s not as back as she originally thought.

So she doesn’t answer. She just rests her head back against the wall and closes her eyes.

The Major watches her for a moment before looking away. “When I met the Cullens,” he begins in a gentle voice, “I swear Esme only made Carlisle approach me because I resembled a drowned cat. Hadn’t stopped raining on the East Coast for weeks, and I’d been roaming the woods the entire time. I was disgusting. Maria would have thrown a bucket of water at my head weeks before if we’d been back home.

“And Esme took one look at me and whisper-bullied Carlisle into approaching me, like I couldn’t hear every single word. She kept saying that I looked cold.” The Major chuckles and she’s close enough that she feels the vibrations through his chest and it’s… it’s not unpleasant.

It’s strange being this close to another person and not being on edge. Not waiting for the killing blow, trying to figure out how to get to their throat first. Making sure that she knows exactly where their hands and teeth are, that she’s prepared for their next movement, for the tightening of their muscles before they lunge…

(It’s very strange being this close to someone, at all. She prefers to keep her distance normally. But this… it’s not the bad kind of strange, she doesn’t think. She’s just so intensely aware of him.)

“Just imagine it, will you - Esme wearing a tweed coat and riding boots and a hat to go hunting, and I look like a monster who spent a week sleeping in a swamp,” the Major continued, “And she was worried about me, like I was a soggy kitten.”

She can imagine it, honestly; his hair sticking to his face, and that gaunt, murderous look he got on his face when he was thirsty. Weeks of grime pressed into his clothing, his skin, looking like the monster from an old story or some mythological horror rising from the riverbed. Nothing sympathetic or pitiable about him for most people.

Right now, she feels oddly grateful to Esme for looking past all of that and seeing the Major as he could be.

“And you followed them home?” She tries to make the words sound light-hearted, but they fall flat and ugly, and she wants to take them back.

That makes the Major laugh out loud, a rumble against her side that is startling and she jumps a little.

“No. I told them to fuck off and leave me be; I had to tell them that a few times over the years until I gave in and talked to them. Let Esme convince me that taking a shower and accepting new clothing was a right and not charity. Let Carlisle remind me that I owed them nothing by ‘visiting’ with them. It took a long time for them to lure me over the threshold.” The Major takes her hand in his; his thumb smooths over a patch of scar tissue, a repetitive motion that feels… soft. Nice. “I think in the end, I hinted that I was ready for them to ask me to stay with them. I don’t think I was subtle about it either.”

“They didn’t ask you before then?” Mary-Alice feels the frustration boil for a second. She watched as much as she could bring herself to, for many years, and there are pieces that she’s missing. They just weren’t important enough for her to see, or something changed and recalling what she’d politely dismissed was too difficult.

(She had entrusted the Major to the Cullens. It didn’t matter that they had had no idea, all those years ago, her visions had made the contract. And even now, knowing that it all came together the way it was supposed to, it upsets her that he had to wait for so long to be taken home to his family.)

[goldeneyedgirl]

Wait I NEED more variable stars!! Can I make that a request for Christmas or? Also, do you have any other bits and pieces of the STL alternate universe where he grabs her and they both leave? They make my heart so happy ❤️

I cannot promise/guarantee canon Variable Stars for Ficmas, but I can absolutely dig out some cut scenes or the Chapter That Was Scrapped at the very least.

I honestly never wrote any more of the 'Jasper takes Mary-Alice with him' verse because the OG one was just depressing and the one I published a few Ficmases ago kind of set them up to be happy together. However, I like a good spontaneous challenge

takes place after mary-alice and jasper had a nice healing, post-escape bath in the forgotten house (which you can read here.) (Later, Emmett will admit that it's his fault they went so far afield. It was his turn to pick the hunting grounds, and they ventured way out of their usual comfort zone. It was a spontaneous choice, not part of the plan, and that's where it all fell down.

The animals aren't as wary, there are no worn paths from previous hunts, and it is completely untouched. There are the odd scents - human hunters, nomads, the usual thing that any piece of land in this part of the country holds. But there was nothing to suggest there was any risk. He would never bring his family somewhere he suspected was dangerous.)

The thing is, he barely even sees anyone before he is slammed into a tree that creaks ominously, bark and branches raining down on them - there's a glimpse of a nomad, downwind, in the lake. Smeared with blood that is rolling down his back in rivulets.

And then he's having the life choked out of him, cracks spiralling up his neck and his panic bursting out as he stares down into dead red eyes.

(She's tiny.)

(No really, he needs to emphasise that it takes him a minute to understand that she's managed to manoeuvre him against the tree - at speed - so that she's standing on a boulder, holding him several inches above the ground by his throat because she's child-sized. It takes him a moment to comprehend what is happening, it's so unexpected.)

Right now, he's expecting to die. She looks unamused, and the male is already redressing to come over; if the Diminutive Devil is this vicious, he doesn't stand a chance against the male. He just hopes Rose gets as far away as possible and doesn't come looking for him.

The male is scarred worse up close, blood seeping out of his shirt like some kind of biblical nightmare, and Emmett's honestly wondering how fast his death is going to be. Between the two of them, he might actually get out of this without experiencing mind-bending pain.

(He's definitely panicking. Is she an Immortal Child? He's never seen one. She's so dirt and blood-covered, he can't tell. If she is, the male is going to be even more protective, with the whole 'illegal upon execution' thing. Shit shit shit.)

He's holding his hands up in peace, trying not to look like more of a threat but as he looks back at the girl, she frowns at him and backs off immediately, releasing him suddenly before folding herself against the male.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." he begins, his voice hoarse as the cracks heal, trying to back away as fast as possible.

"I didn't know it was you, Emmett," the girl says, her voice flat. "I didn't see you coming." She frowns again and looks down at herself. "This is all wrong."

There's no inflection in her words, but the male - with a dark look in Emmett's direction - acts as if she's gone hysterical and looks down at her.

"It's okay. You can wash off the worst of it." His voice is calmer and gentler than Emmett anticipated.

"It wasn't supposed to go this way," the girl says and this time, he hears the frustration in her voice.

"The best-laid plans, Mary-Alice." The male's eyes are back on Emmett and he really wishes he'd taken the opportunity to leave.

Except...

"Wait, how do you know my name?"

[goldeneyedgirl]

@sonyawix Alas, my exile was self-imposed until I wrote something. Even Whumptober didn't produce anything worthy of seeing (gave me some future ficlet ideas that will be fun though). I do not deserve tumblr-time when I apparently decided to just not write at all during 2024.

So I skipped ahead and started on this year's Ficmas offerings instead (now is the time to make your demands), and I always make sure I have some new Anathema for you! We have a little scene from Ch 3ish, for the second 'official' meeting of the Cullens.

Adding Demon Jasper and Feral Jasper/Mary-Alice to the upcoming list. Honestly, I was not expecting Demon Jasper to make a blip on anyone's radar, I am delighted people enjoyed that verse. And I love that My Nonsense (anything involving Mary-Alice) sparks joy for anyone.

So I offer up this part of Anathema, and hope it sparks joy. One thing I am loving about Anathema is that the first half pretty much outlined itself. We love fics that have direction and aspiration.

I always love hearing from you, Sonya, thank you for the message <3

Notes: This was an experimental scene to fix the pacing of the first meeting vs the Cullens getting involved with the Brandons. I wanted to establish that Edward and Alice will have a rapport in this fic, and to set more of the scene of how the Cullens do end up in cahoots with the rest of the Council. And to lay a lot of groundwork for Alice getting to know the Cullens as individuals.

There's a fairly robust few scenes between the first meeting and this that I'm not happy with yet. Even these parts are extremely rough. I've also been doing a lot of research into supernatural creatures and cryptids around North America to try and work on world-building a little more (some of this is a throwback to the OG draft of Afterglow which was fun). So any details that don't entirely match up have been noted and will be fixed when this gets posted on AO3.

--

The second time we officially run into the Cullens is more than three weeks later. And it goes about as well as anything else in my life does as the unluckiest person to ever live.

This is one excursion that I am allowed out of the house for - other than taking Dulcie's purse to her at the salon, and riding my bike to pick up Chinese food for dinner, I have been house-bound. It's almost as if Freddie - and Sue, for that matter - are certain that if I am not under full supervision, I'll run away to the Cullen house to join them all in whatever debauchery vampires get up to all day.

Which, from Dulcie's gossip, seems to be mostly work at the hospital for Dr Cullen, and going to high school for the 'kids'. Very scandalous. But despite me pointing out that I didn't know (precisely, yet) where the Cullen house is and that sneaking around both Forks Hospital and the high school were only going to draw the attention of gossips and probably Charlie Swan in an official capacity, Freddie kept both eyes on me.

I was going a little stir-crazy - not only had I been on house arrest, we'd only had one 'client', and he'd just been placed in cold storage whilst private preparations were made. So when Charlie summoned us all to the backwoods for a meeting, I wasn't complaining. Even tramping through the mud of the woods to have a secret clandestine meeting was better than cleaning or sitting around the apartment.

But no one was expecting Charlie Swan to be standing in our clearing with three figures. Three figures that nearly had me running back to the car. Lamia. Freddie's hand clamped down on my shoulder firmly; not to be cruel, but to protect me - showing any kind of aversion to a lot of the creatures that passed through was dangerous. It provoked some of them to strike. And lamia loved young girls.

"These three were passing through," Charlie Swan said uncomfortably. "Left a mess in Port Angeles."

"Very gracious of Mister Swan to introduce us." The tallest was over six feet, with waist-length dark hair. But like all old Lamia - and there were more than you'd think, honestly - she was unnaturally thin, her skin bleached, like she'd been forgotten in the sun for too long. Her hair looked sharp and brittle, like fine wire. And as she spoke, a serpentine hiss caught on the tails of her words. The only spark of colour was the dried-blood colour of her eyes and sockets - even her lips and tongue were stained black. Her fingernails were unnaturally long and looked more like bone than anything resembling keratin.

"What kind of mess?" Harry Clearwater said flatly. He wasn't subtle; he'd brought a shotgun.

The two younger Lamia looked down, as if regretful.

"We fed." The words are simple but every adult around me visibly recoils. I'm kind of numb to it - maybe it would be more horrific if I was older.

But the way that the Lamia speaks - almost smugly, as if to intentionally upset everyone here - annoys me beyond explanation. Odds are that anyone they fed on was young enough to have a mom and dad waiting at home for them, worried. That they wouldn't even get simple news that they were gone - they'd have to wait weeks for DNA testing to confirm who this bony old bitch had torn into.

"You need to go." Everyone swings around to look at me, and I'm kind of surprised I spoke as well. My words sound polite but firm, and there's a distinct undercurrent there I barely recognize in myself. I don't think I've ever spoken that way to anyone in my life.

"Excuse me, child?" Her eyes narrow.

//

I can see it happening as if it's in slow-motion; Harry lifting the shotgun, one of the younger Lamia reaching out for him with a look that meant someone was going to die; Charlie Swan had his service weapon out and I just… stepped forward and shoved the monster backwards.

It was gross, honestly. Between their age and their powers, their clothing is essentially a second flesh-covered skin that crackles under my hands. Their actual skin is so thin that I could feel, for that split second, all their organs churning. The smell of blood was overpowering, and I just wanted her to break into a million pieces.

Except...

//

"That was the most disgusting thing I have ever lived through," I half-shrieked as I made my way back to the meeting place. Sue followed with the flashlight, offering platitudes. "Why do these creatures always decide to be disgusting around me? I'm not going to be able to salvage any of those clothes."

"She could have killed you, Alice. You should have left her alone." Sue's words aren't convincing; the look on her face when I had stepped forward meant she saw imminent death was coming for both Harry and Charlie before I intervened.

"Well, she succeeded in murdering that pair of jeans," I said crankily, turning into the clearing. "…Oh."

The Cullens had shown up, and none of them looked happy.

And of course, I was now wearing a pair of flannel pyjama bottoms with bleach stains and an oversized Newtons Outfitters hoodie, with my hair scraped off my face from my impromptu water-bottle hair wash. I looked like I'd just rolled out of bed, and the Cullens looked like they'd stepped out of the pages of Vogue.

Jasper lingered just behind the bigger one - Emmett, I think I'd heard someone call him. He nodded at me when I met his gaze, and it was almost like he … relaxed somehow.

I was mostly embarrassed that I looked like this in front of him. He was wearing the softest looking black sweater I had ever seen, and immaculate jeans. My jeans were soaking in a bait bucket full of salt and vinegar, and would still be thrown in the garbage.

Just once, I wanted to look less like a grubby schoolgirl in front of him. Them. Not being swallowed up by thrift store winter coats or rejected clothing stashed in the car for incidents like this.

This absolutely wouldn't be an issue if I went to school. I'd be able to wear all the cute outfits I'd been planning in front of him - them - and look vaguely normal.

"We heard there was a meeting," Dr Cullen began. "We weren't notified."

"You weren't invited," Billy Black shot back firmly. "Your role is to keep us informed if others of your kind are in the area. The rest of our business doesn't involve you."

Freddie looked warily between the Council and the Cullens. "We gather as necessity dictates, and which parties are required," he said neutrally. "This was not a meeting that required your presence."

"Can we know what the meeting was about?" The red-headed boy stepped forward with the kind of confidence that belied his apparent age. "It would be helpful if we knew what was in the area."

Silence.

"We keep the area safe for the residents. We get a lot of things passing through," Charlie Swan said finally.

"But it would be immensely helpful if we knew exactly what we were dealing with - especially if injuries present at the hospital," Dr Cullen said earnestly.

I made a face - I remembered the absolute panic at Forks Hospital when the Nezhit had blown through a few years back. Having someone in the know dealing with the hospitalisations wouldn't be the worst idea…

…Who was I kidding, I was willing to make any argument if it meant I might be able to have a conversation with Jasper where I wasn't wearing glorified pyjamas, probably reeking of vomit. I definitely needed to stash more toiletries in the back of the car from now on.

I slunk towards a nearby boulder to take a seat, Freddie looking over to make sure I didn't stray too far. I knew there would be a lecture about my actions with the Lamia when I got home - even if I was preventing at least two gruesome murders, the rule was that I observed silently.

"Injuries are typically very low," Sue Clearwater said in a no-nonsense tone. "We manage fine."

"But didn't you just say that she was nearly harmed?" Mrs Cullen gestured at me. "Sweetheart, what happened?"

I scowled. "Lamia," I said, and Emmett Cullen let out a chuckle at the sound of loathing in my voice. "Did you know that the young ones don't so much as spit venom, but kind of projectile vomit when startled? And their venom is more along the lines of 'caustic rotting human tissue smoothie'? It was chunky."

"That is disgusting," the blonde girl said sharply.

"It was. And I was covered in it," I said, jumping when I heard a rumble coming from my left. Jasper; he looked pissed. Was he growling again?

"Why were you anywhere near them?" he asked, in that rough voice that sounded like it wasn't used very often, his eyes piercing through me.

"Easy, Jas," Emmett turned to look at his brother.

"She was going for Harry's throat," I said. "I just gave her a shove."

"You shoved a Lamia?" Dr Cullen looked at me with bewilderment.

"I'm not allowed to carry a weapon," I replied. Both Dr and Mrs Cullen looked taken aback.

"We need to be present at these meetings," Jasper said abruptly. "For protection."

"Protection?" Harry Clearwater sneered. "From you?"

"We'd be happy to help," Mrs Cullen tried again, and the blonde girl scoffed.

"We're faster and stronger than most other creatures," the redhead said - Edward? That might have been his name.

"I mean…" Charlie Swan looked at my uncle. "Not many things we come across will try and negotiate with a local coven. It could encourage a lot of them to move on sooner."

"We don't need a voice in these meetings unless they directly involve us," Dr Cullen continued. I was watching the negotiations without drawing attention to the fact that Jasper was moving closer to me, leaning against the other end of the rock I was perched on - and honestly, trying not to giggle at how unsubtle he was being. "We simply want to make sure that none of you come to harm doing your duties."

"I really don't think this is necessary." Sue looked angry and was talking in that short, clipped way she did before she was about to blow - I remembered what happened when Seth and his friends tried to make s'mores with a cut gasline when Seth was, like, eight.

"A Lamia could have killed any of you before anyone could react. You could have been scraping Alice's remains off the rock," Edward shot back.

"Where did they go, anyway?" I asked, forgetting my plan to avoid drawing attention to the fact that Jasper was only three feet away from me - and that was a generous estimate.

"Alice, come over here," Freddie insisted, and I pretended not to hear him.

"They didn't stick around," Charlie Swan said shortly. My gaze fell to the shotgun in Harry's hands.

"We were downwind," Emmett winked at me.

"They won't return - they're heading up to Canada," Edward added before his gaze fell towards Jasper. "No."

"They attacked her," Jasper said, looking at his brother with a flat gaze. "They moved to attack the whole group."

"And they killed some kids in Port Angeles," I volunteered. "Probably teenage girls."

"Someone is going to have to check the bodies to make sure we don't have a fresh Lamia on the rise," Freddie said tiredly. "Charlie, if you put in the request for I.Ding for me tonight, I can drive up tomorrow."

"They're murdering children?" the blonde stepped to the front, her gaze hard.

"There are two parallel species of Lamia," Freddie said, trying to catch my attention. Jasper hadn't attempted to move any closer but was surreptitiously watching me. I wasn't budging; this was the closest I had been to Jasper Cullen since he arrived and I was curious about so many things - and enjoying the fact that he seemed to be just as curious of me. "You can tell the difference based on the presence of scaling surrounding the cheekbones and feet. One hunts men, the other prefers young people, usually girls."

"Three girls, around fourteen," Charlie Swan confirmed grimly. "I.Ding them will be difficult, so we shouldn't have any issue getting that approved, Fred."

"Rose," Edward said warningly and she sneered at him, tucking herself next to Emmett.

I looked over at Jasper then, to find him watching me carefully.

"They didn't hurt you?" he asked softly. I shook my head.

"We'll protect you." He looks away when he says that, back at the group.

It's not an offer now; it's a firm insistence - the kind of tone that doesn't accept arguments or compromise. Who was he before he joined the Cullens? He didn't look that much older than me, really; like… all the Cullens, really, he physically looked young but there was age and time in the way they carried themselves, the way they spoke, the look in their eyes. Every single one of them looked a little bit haunted, honestly.

Edward looked exasperated but was watching me carefully. He was strange in a genuinely interesting way.

Jasper looked back over at me as Dr Cullen tried to soften the new requirement for their continued presence at any public meetings with Sue and Charlie.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over at my uncle, who didn't look happy.

"Come on, Alice," Freddie said, and he sounded more tired than annoyed. "It's time to go. We'll discuss this with the Cullens later."

[goldeneyedgirl]

Hi! It’s so nice to see you posting again and I’m so excited for ficmas and a potentially soon ish chapter of Shadow to light!!

I have a few ficmas requests - totally understand if you can’t get to them.

I’d love a little fic of a STL alternate universe. I always love those so much!

Or a little fic about how hard it is for STL Alice to let jasper touch her or even stop calling him major lol - also definitely understand if this is part of the original story line you don’t want to give us quite yet. Would even love this in an alternate version.

Divorced Jalice!!! God I love that fic so much.

Thanks for your time and I hope you’re having a happy lead up to the holidays!

Aww, thank you! I'm back and I've really missed posting and talking to you all!

I'm taking a (more) chaotic approach to Ficmas this year, so I would be delighted to fill some requests. I have one (new) STL AU half-written, but before I launch that upon the world, is there a specific STL AU that you're hoping for? A new scenario for me to play with? (Imagine me holding a cocktail whilst I ask you this. Those are the vibes we've got at the moment. Cocktails and fic.)

Your Mary-Alice calling Jasper 'Major' and her issues with touch suggestion will come up in the next couple of chapters of the main fic (and will be addressed in a generalised 'future' installment of both Feral Jasper/Mary-Alice and Deaf Mary-Alice), so I don't want to disturb that concept before it's broached in the fic - just so there's not too much crossover between the main fic and the AU.

Divorced Jalice is absolutely doable; I've got a few fun scenes from that verse that deserve to be inflicted on the population, so I'll add it to my list.

Happy holidays and thank you SO much for your message.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

I so glad you are back!

Oh boy.

I would say that all of my fics have an alternate version.

STL was meant to be much shorter, and there were jokes about Jasper marrying Mary-Alice in Chapter 8. There is also a 'what if Mary-Alice showed up during the baseball game', and 'what if Mary-Alice ran after her assault' AU that I will be posting in the future. Plus the Feral Jasper x Mary-Alice AU.

Hybrid has four variations: the one I'll be posting, the one where Alice arrives in Forks before the Cullens; the baby-verse where Alice gets pregnant, and the one where the Cullens visit Volterra with Alice. The Baby-verse also has, like, 3 variations of how it goes down.

Angel-verse has a variation where Jasper actually found Alice in a sleeping-hibernation state in the forest in Forks, instead of decades earlier, and brings her back to the house.

Anathema (funeral home Alice) has three - the existing one, one where Alice is just a gifted human set in Minnesota; and one where the family actually deals in spare parts for various supernatural creatures.

And those are just the ones with something written; there are a lot others that are just a few dot points.

If I wrote it, there is definitely cut scenes, plotholes, or full-on AUs.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Fic-Mas Day 12: The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon

... And we’re done. Last day. Is anyone as shocked as I am that I made a daily post without missing any? Twelve days absolutely flew by. I hope you all found something to read that you enjoyed, and I am genuinely sorry that I didn’t get enough time to yell ‘Surprise! New STL chapter!’ 

So, today I bring you something from my very earliest Twilight fic writing efforts. Tomorrow, there shall be a nice linked round-up of all the fics I posted because I am super sleepy. 

(Okay, so this is actually samples from each of the 4 fics in the series - Magnolia, Hush Hush, Beautiful & Strange, and Wonderland. This was one of my first Twilight fics, and my attempt to writing Alice and Jasper in the place of Bella and Edward. I didn’t just want to name swap, I wanted to tell their version of the story - I know what happens in canon, let’s try something new.

So, Magnolia corresponds to Twilight in that Alice moves to Forks when her mother remarries, meets the Cullens, and gets involved with Jasper. Hush Hush is a mix of the end of Twilight and New Moon; The Beautiful and the Strange and Wonderland don’t really fit into Eclipse or Breaking Dawn at all; because Alice is a lot different to Bella, and because I haven’t written as much of either of them - just a few important scenes that I wanted to include.

This was started, like, 5 years ago, so it is a little wonky. I still love them, mostly because I managed to capture an Alice voice I liked. Like Hybrid and Memento Mori, Magnolia!Alice has a very distinctive voice. This is old enough that I’m quite nervous posting it, but I want to.

Also, you technically get four fics at once, because it’s Christmas Eve Eve and I feel like it.)

Magnolia

The vision was soupy. Moving through the forest leaves brushing across my face. It was dark, I could barely see a foot in front of me.

Flashes of rust-coloured snow.

And Jasper, crouched and looking like a stranger – feral and single-minded, his golden eyes blackened, the circles underneath his eyes angry, making him look inhuman.

And then he lunged, with impossible speed and agility. I wanted to scream.

The buck he was aiming for crumbled to the side with a great bellow, Jasper’s teeth sinking into its throat, his hands crushing its massive throat. Blood spilled past his throat, rivers of it that seemed to pulse as it spilt. The animal moaned one last time as it sunk into its death.

He finally rose, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. The raw, gaping wound on the buck’s throat, its dull eyes. Jasper’s satisfied look, the blood smeared across his jaw.

I opened my eyes and screamed.

--

I never spoke of what I really saw the night of the crash. I woke up to a patchy vision with a southern accent calling out to me, “Hold on, darlin’.” I woke up, and looked to my left, to see the man that was my father, had been my father, was slumped in the seat beside me. He was staring blankly at me, his eyes wide.

His jugular had been completely severed by a piece of glass, cutting half-way through his neck. There was nothing but sinew, blood and death. His hand was thrown across the console as if he had been reaching for me in that moment.

I sat in the middle of that clearing for hours, feeling the cold seep into my clothes, just thinking about the blood. The blood of the animals from my vision, the blood of Michael Brandon, seeping into the seats of his car, into his teenage daughter’s skirt.

I could even taste it.

I didn’t really notice time passing, the air getting colder.

It wasn’t until an enormous russet wolf stepped into the clearing that I realised how late it was, how long I had been in the forest.

He was as large as my shoulder, all rippling muscle and golden eyes, staring at me and approaching slowly.

“Oh god,” I stammered, leaping to my feet and clutching my satchel.

-- Jasper appeared in the glade suddenly, and for a second, I saw my vision overlay reality, and I just wanted to scream.

“Thanks Seth,” Jasper nodded at the wolf as he approached me. “Alice, your mother called Esme. You went missing and everyone is worried.”

I dropped back to the boulder where I had taken up my vigil. It was too much. I just needed... I didn’t even know what I needed. I looked down, at my muddy sneakers, at the beetle making its way up the boulder.

“Alice, are you okay?” Jasper said urgently, moving towards me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked suddenly, meeting his dark-golden eyes.

“Tell you what?” Jasper looked confused.

“What you are,” I said simply.          

Jasper physically recoiled at my words.

“The eyes, the never eating at lunch, why you never touch me…” I shook my head. “By themselves, those are just quirks. Understandable, from a foster kid. Together… I knew something was up, I should have listened to my visions.”

“We don’t feed on humans,” Jasper replied softly. “We only feed on wild animals. I would never hurt you, Alice.” A small smile ghosted across his face. “And you don’t smell good, anyway.” At my affronted look, he chuckled. “Your medications. They pollute the blood. I-I… I was grateful when I found out. That I could be around you without temptation. Well,” he amended, “without the temptation of your blood. You are very much a temptress in other ways, Alice.”

I let out a laugh-sob. “A vampire.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he drawled in his Texan accent that always made my knees weak. He came closer,

By the time we headed back to the house, it was dark, and my cardigan wasn’t keeping out much of the cold. Jasper was keeping a very obvious distance between us, and I wasn’t sure whether I wanted him to stay away from me, or hold my hand.

“You told her!” Rosalie was yelling before we were even in the house, moving so from where she was pacing in the sitting room to standing in front of me with a murderous expression in less than a second. I flinched, backing up against Jasper, as he gently pulled me against his side.

No one should be able to move that fast.

“She had a vision, Rosalie,” Jasper sounded irritated, but the expression on his face was utterly foreign, a threat and a warning in a dark glare. “It was inevitable.”

“Not if you had left her alone!” Rosalie picked up a china ornament of some sort and threw it. I flinched as it smashed on the wall behind me and pressed closer to Jasper. I heard a strange rumbling and my eyes nearly bugged out; Jasper was growling. At Rosalie.

“Rosalie, enough,” Esme said sharply from behind us, and bestowed a smile on me. “Alice, sweetheart, come and have something to drink whilst everyone gets all the yelling over with.”

I adored the Cullen’s kitchen – all grey and white and brass. Beautiful hand-painted tiles over the apparently unused stove that told a story about a boy and a girl on a farm throughout the four seasons.

Esme pushed the kitchen door closed as I heard the raised voices.

“Sit. You gave everyone a scare, disappearing like that,” she said as she went to the fridge.

“I just needed somewhere to think,” I said, as I watched Esme move around the kitchen. “Why do you keep food if you don’t eat it?”

Esme looked up from where she was slicing a tomato. “We have friends who do eat, and grocery shopping makes us appear more normal. We donate a lot of the canned and packaged foods to charities out of state, though.”

I nodded and looked towards the kitchen door as there was more sudden yelling.

“Rosalie’s bark is much worse than her bite,” Esme said; she’d worked quickly – she was already setting in front of me a glass of lemonade and a sandwich. “She loves her family fiercely, and she wants to protect them from danger. But in Rosalie’s view, everyone outside of the family is a danger.”

I smiled my thanks at Esme and took a bite of the sandwich. After a moment, I looked back up.

“Why’s she freaking out? From what I’ve seen, I don’t have much of a defence against any of you.”

Esme came over and sat opposite me. “Does that scare you?”

“Rosalie scares me. What I saw Jasper do to that deer scares me. But I’m used to having no way to protect myself,” I said, taking another bite of my sandwich.

“Oh, Alice,” Esme sounded so sympathetic. “Sweetheart…”

“Jasper’s told you about me, I guess?” I asked softly.

“A little. I think maybe Emmett might have been his sounding board – Carlisle and I have parts of the story, and despite what you might think, Emmett is exceptionally good at both keeping a secret and blocking out Edward,” Esme replied. “We know that you have extensive memory loss and were hospitalised for your visions. Jasper went to Carlisle for information on that, to see if he could help you.”

I flushed and took a long drink to avoid replying. The sound of something heavy shattering made me choke on the lemonade and splash it down my front.

“Another opportunity to redecorate,” Esme reassured me. “They should calm down soon.”

I nodded. Before I could say anything else, the kitchen door burst open, to reveal Rosalie and Jasper tumbling into the room; the other Cullens following at a more human pace.

Esme stood up warily, and I wondered briefly if Rosalie was going to try and hurt me. But I’d see that decision, wouldn’t I?

She was staring at me with such rage and hate that I wanted to leave. Instead, I finished my sandwich, trying to calm myself down – though, they could all probably hear my heart pounding.

“You know you have to die, right?” Rosalie hissed at me.

I looked up. “That’s pretty inevitable for most people,” I replied evenly.

“You know about us,” she spat. Jasper let out a warning growl, standing behind my chair. I could hear the wood creaking under his grip.

“Enough, Rosalie,” Carlisle said, looking frustrated. “Nothing is going to happen to you, Alice.”

I nodded, without making eye-contact. That’s what Mom said when she sent me to the hospital. What the doctors said when they told me about the ECT. It’s just another well-meaning lie.

Rosalie was pacing in the kitchen, Jasper was glaring at her, and the rest of them were just watching me stare at the dregs of my lemonade until the vision flashed across my mind and I scowled at Rosalie.

“You aren’t subtle, are you?” I said. “Of all the choices, you went with that one?”

Rosalie hissed at me, as everyone focused back on me.

“What did you see?” Carlisle asked.

“Rosalie planning on choking the life out of me. I’ve seen people who’ve been strangled, it’s a nasty way to go. Plus, we live in Forks and I’m on a whole pharmacy worth of drugs and I have known mental issues. There are dozens of ways you could dispose of me that wouldn’t implicate an outside party and wouldn’t be horrible from my end.”

“Rosalie,” Esme said, her tone reminding me of Matron. “You are not going to harm Alice in any way. Understand?”

“I didn’t see that – in your head,” Edward said suddenly, taking a seat at the table. “It was...”

“They aren’t linear. Kind of like… riddles, with clues that only make sense to me,” I said, twisting a strange of hair around my finger. “And… it’s not just what I see. I could smell Rosalie’s perfume, feel the rain on my face.”

“Fascinating,” Edward breathed.

I smiled and reached for my lemonade. “I don’t always understand them myself,” I said. “It’s weird.”

That was always the one thing that bugged me about the accident. Had I known? I knew that I had always had some kind of foresight, from Mom and Cynthia. Had I just not managed to change that future? Had I not been able to work out what the vision meant until it was too late?

Hush Hush

Of all the things I’ve achieved in my life, this had to be the most satisfying.

By a long shot.

I mean, I had no memories from before I was thirteen, and I was a thoroughly average high school student, so there wasn’t a ton of competition for that title.

If there were two things in this world that I loved beyond explanation, it was my boyfriend and really fast cars.

Problem: I didn’t own a car, and said boyfriend was rather old-fashioned and restrained.  

So my current situation was one of my greatest achievements: I had managed to sweet talk my Civil War-era boyfriend into the backseat of a shiny Maserati convertible.  

Of course, the car was still parked in the Cullen’s ridiculously huge garage – I wasn’t entirely sure whose car it was, and I didn’t need Jasper taking the time to think our planned activities through and come up with a dozen reasons why we couldn’t do them in the time it took to take the car and drive it somewhere we wouldn’t be caught.  

My stepsister, Ellie, had already proved that the Forks police had a no-tolerance policy for teenagers in the backseats of cars. My mom and Ellie’s dad had not been pleased when the cops delivered Ellie home.

I attributed some of the success to my outfit; I had picked it out with some kind of debauchery in mind. Honestly, I had only been hoping for a few scorching kisses in his study. I hadn’t expected this level of reaction. Apparently, the combination of a short skirt and thigh-high socks that left a slim band of bare skin had been a winner – my high-heeled mary janes had been chosen to give me a few extra inches of height. And I was in love with my new shirt – I had liked the bows on both shoulders; Jasper had evidently liked the low V-neck.

Either way, that had lead to our current situation – us pawing each other in the back seat of a very expensive car, me in his lap with my arms around his neck, him with one hand on my leg, stroking the skin left bare by my socks, and one cupping my cheek.

His gaze kept dipping to the small amount of cleavage I had managed to produce, thanks to a well-padded bra, which assured me that I would be basking in this particular success until I finally had to go home, or until one of the other Cullens’ caught us.

What happened next was completely my fault. No one else thinks so, mostly because they think I’m the adorably naïve human girl, who is ranked somewhere between ‘bunny’ and ‘kitten’ on the innocence scale. I had suitably shocked Emmett on several occasions with the filthiness of both my vocabulary and mind, but they still hadn’t caught on.

I had also had a long chat with Jasper about what was and wasn’t okay. He wasn’t comfortable touching me much, terrified he’d hurt me accidently or lose control. There had also been an awkward conversation about vampires and instincts that pretty much boiled down to the fact he really, really wanted to sleep with me, but I wouldn’t survive the experience.

I’d observed that he might have outgrown his teenage years before the wheel had been invented (I’d gotten a dirty look for that one), but I was fully entrenched in the teenage years, and despite what modern media continued to say, that hormones and sex-drives weren’t the sole property of boys, and I definitely wanted him to man-handle me. That most of my aspirations for the coming year involved his mouth and hands.

If he could have blushed, I’m sure he would have been luminous red. I know I was blushing, even as the words came out of my mouth.

I know Edward was probably wheezing with laughter somewhere in the house.

After a long and drawn-out negotiation, sex was off the table, at least until he was sure he could keep himself under control and not hurt or bite me accidentally. Anything else was up for debate as needed, though he retained the right to remove himself from the situation if it became too ‘tempting’.

Pretty sure that ‘massive drama queen’ is an added requirement of being a vampire.

The first two weeks, he would pull himself away from me after a few quick kisses, which was maddening at best.  Rosalie had finally pulled me aside and given me her version of a pep-talk: we were both insane, I was going to get killed, but give him time to work out his boundaries. Patience, young grasshopper.

I had stood in the hall looking confused for several seconds, since the only things Rosalie normally said to me could qualify as ‘terrifying threats’ on a good day.

Then, the next time I visited, she bought a copy of Cosmo and read aloud from several of its articles. Emmett had been intrigued, and enthusiastically debated the merits of all the, uh, suggestions; Bella had been curious, Edward had been horrified, Esme had been amused and a touch embarrassed and Jasper had been frozen with mortification.

I had been about ten levels more mortified than Esme at first, thinking this was Rosalie’s version of punishing me for, well, being me and human – the list of my indiscretions was endless as far as Rose was considered - before I decided to simply own it, and debated with her about the magazine’s suggestions, and the flexibility of the human body.

Carlisle came home to Emmett wheezing with laughter, Edward sitting stiffly at the piano, Rosalie smirking behind her magazine, with Bella trying subtly to read over her shoulder, Esme trying her hardest not to giggle, and Jasper dragging me out of the house, telling everyone Rosalie and I were terrible influences on everyone. But I got felt up before he took me home, so I considered it a victory.

What I’m trying to say is that we had boundaries, we knew the boundaries and we respected those boundaries. Clothes stayed on, hands stayed on neutral flesh only, and we generally stayed away from any beds, couches or places that could be repurposed as such.

So when I pulled away, breathing hard, and said, “Wait,” I knew I was playing with fire. I had straightened up, and swung one of my legs over his, straddling his lap. I had put one of his hands on my hip, and the other at my waist. The whole time, he looked at me with dark eyes, looking amused, and then down my top again.

According to Emmett, Jasper hadn’t seen a naked woman since the literal 1800s, let alone boobs. I was really doing my civic duty – and it wasn’t like I had much to boast about in that area.

Knowing that it was absolutely in our no-go zone, I took my top off, and pressed myself back against him. He was looking at me, startled and wide-eyed. “Alice…” his voice was rough, his hands resting very carefully on my skirt-clad hips.

I giggled, kissing the side of his mouth. “You kept sneaking peeks. Figured you had earned a look.” And then I kissed him, hard, to silence him.

He was very tentative, putting his hands back at my waist, and groaning a little when he touched my bare skin. I must admit, I sighed a little as he slid his hands up my torso, and pressed closer.  When his hand gently cupped my breast over my bra, I moaned into his mouth and rolled my hips against him, rather desperately.  I could feel that as much as I might be behaving badly, he wanted it as much as I did. I even remember thinking, ‘God, how can you be this controlled?’

It happened in a split second, one of his arms snaking around my waist, the growl in his chest, how black his eyes were when I knew he’d been hunting only a few days ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not and have never been afraid of Jasper, or any of the Cullens. Well, I have been afraid of Rosalie, but that’s mostly her glowing personality, and not the fact she’s a vampire.

I wasn’t afraid then. I just suddenly knew that this wasn’t going to end with me putting my shirt back on and giggling stupidly as he took me home.  That this was going to end with Jasper being deeply unhappy with himself.

He flipped me – in one moment, I was flat on my back, him on top of me, my knees on either side of his hips, his mouth on mine and both hands cupping my face. Then he moved one arm to wrap around my waist, and pain flooded my right side. I gasped, the pain turning my vision white for a second.

He was off me in a second, across the room, and I was still seeing stars – I knew he had picked up when my emotions turned from, uh, happy to ohgodfuckshitpain. It was a pain I was familiar with, even if my panicked, dazed mind was going, ‘broken spine. You earned that one, girlie.’ Apparently my conscience sounded like that one nurse from the hospital.

“Jas,” I hissed, trying to get my vision to clear. I blinked hard and he was gone. “Jasper.”

A second later, Jasper was back with Bella. A good choice. Bella wouldn’t judge or criticize us, she would just help.

Jasper looked panicked. I would have laughed at his expression, if I wasn’t lying in the back of what I assumed was Rosalie’s car, topless, with broken ribs. I was also trying to push back flashbacks from the car accident, which was making my vision swim.

“Alice, you need to tell me where it hurts,” Bella’s voice was soft, kind, as she hovered over me.

“Ribs. Right,” I managed. Bella nodded, and opened the door of the car.

“Can you sit up?” she asked.

“I can try,” I managed.

“Slowly, carefully and if it’s too much, you can stop, okay? We just need to get you out of the car,” Bella said and I was intensely grateful for her presence. Jasper hadn’t moved or said anything, just kept looking at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen.

I took a deep breath, and attempted to pull myself into a sitting position, blackness creeping in the corners of my vision. I was shivering quite badly, and for a moment my vision swum and I felt myself sway. And then soft hands steadied me. Bella.

“It’s okay, you’re up. Halfway there,” she said. “Jasper, where’s her shirt?”

Jasper reached into the front seat, and silently handed it over.  Bella gave him an indecipherable look and attempted to get the shirt back on me. I couldn’t get it on. I was in too much pain, and couldn’t lift my arm up.

“That’s okay,” Bella soothed. “You can borrow a shirt. I’ll go and find you one – Jasper, sit with her. Carlisle should be home soon, and we can get her fixed up.”

Jasper crouched in front of me, looking heartbroken. I offered him a weak smile, which he didn’t return. He could barely meet my gaze and I honestly hated myself at that moment.

Bella came back, clutching a flannel button down, and with Edward, Rose and Emmett in tow.

I would have preferred to be in another car accident.

“Having some wholesome fun out here, kids?” Emmett was grinning like a mad man.

“Shut up, Emmett,” Jasper said quietly, standing up.

Edward crouched in front of me. “Alice?” he said kindly.

“I think I’ve cracked some of my ribs,�� I said quietly, as if I were a child telling someone a secret.

“No, tell the truth, Alice,” Rosalie spoke up, her arms crossed over her chest. “You think Jasper broke your ribcage.”

“Don’t, Rose,” Emmett said to her. “Look at them, it’s like kicking a puppy.”

Rose growled under her breath.

Bella was very carefully helping me into the shirt that was at least two sizes too big, but buttoned up the front. Jasper was hovering, and all I really wanted was him to look at me, and talk to me.  

“Let’s get you into the house,” Edward said, still holding my other hand. “Jasper, you’ll have to carry her.”

Jasper looked alarmed. “I-”

“If you say you can’t, I will punch you,” Rosalie said crossly. “You can, and you will.”

I smiled weakly. “The things I do to get your to put your hands on me,” I joked, and Emmett guffawed in the background. “I’m going to be fine. I’ve broken my ribs before.”

“See?” Rosalie turned away. “Carlisle will be home soon, and we can work out a cover story before we take her to hospital.”

Jasper met my gaze as he bent down, and I sent all my thoughts of love, trust and reassurance at him.

He kissed the top of my head gently and gathered me up.

Carlisle and Esme got home fifteen minutes later; I was on the couch with several ancient ice-packs pressed to my side, with Bella, Edward and Jasper hovering, Emmett making tasteless jokes from the chair, and Rosalie glaring at us and muttering about steam-cleaning the inside of her car.

“What happened?” were Carlisle’s first words, drowning out Esme’s gasp. He was beside me in a second.

“Would you believe me if I said I fell down the stairs?” I said.

“Perhaps, if you hadn’t started that sentence with the phrase ‘would you believe me’,” Carlisle said.

“I hurt her,” Jasper said abruptly.

“Two or three fractured ribs,” Edward said, “maybe broken, on the right side.”

“Ah,” Carlisle said. “Maybe I examine them, Alice?”

“Go nuts,” I said, as Carlisle lifted my shirt, and began moving the ice packs away.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Esme breathed as they glimpsed my side. I knew from experience that my side would be many fantastic shades of blue and purple, but for people whose skin was harder than concrete, who couldn’t bruise or bleed, I’m sure it looked horrific. The ice packs had eased some of the general pain, and some of the swelling.

I could feel Jasper’s mortification and shame bleeding out of him, and reached for his hand.

“Those are some very impressive bruises,” Carlisle said simply. “You’ve definitely done some kind of damage, but we’ll need to take an x-ray to be sure.”

“What are you going to say when you take her in?” Rosalie spoke up. “Sorry, my pseudo-son got a little handsy and crushed this girl’s ribcage?”

“Rosalie!” Esme scolded.

“No, we need a cover story,” Carlisle said, looking down at me.

God, for people that have lived longer than the television had been invented, they really weren’t good at this.

“I fell down the stairs,” I said simply.

“Doing cartwheels or something,” Bella said slowly.

“And I landed funny,” I said. “It doesn’t have to be a fancy story. Just dumb teenager stuff.”

//

“A coven in Alaska are threatening our cousins in Denali,” Carlisle said gently. “The new coven is a group of eight, three of them newborns. They’ve already attacked once, and Eleazer wants us to visit, as a show of force.”

“Okay,” I said slowly.

“We’ll be leaving for a few weeks,” Jasper said to me.

“All of you?” I said, my eyes wide.

//

I was sitting on the back porch, watching the Cullens pack the cars, with a pout on my face. I’d blown off school to see them off – something I would no doubt pay for when I got home tonight.

Bella took a seat next to me. “We’re not going to be gone long,” she offered kindly.

“It’s going to be weeks,” I said miserably.

Rose looked at me, rolled her eyes and tossed me something shiny. I fumbled but managed to catch them – keys on a freaking expensive designer keychain. Keys to her BMW.

“I’ll be back for that, at least,” were her parting words.

I smiled. It was a huge gesture from her, but she wouldn’t want that acknowledged. She had an image to maintain, after all.

Jasper came out of the house, and pulled me into a hug. I sighed.

“We’ll be back,” he said, as he pressed a kiss to my head. “As soon as Eleazer is certain of their safety, we’ll be back.”

“Do you all have to go?” I said, slightly whiny. Some of us are still legitimate teenagers, after all.

“A show of numbers will help deter the nomads. I have the fighting experience, and a gift. Bella and Edward’s gifts, too, will be useful,” he tilted my head up.

“Not thrilled about the idea of gang warfare,” I scowled and he chuckled.

“Gang warfare?”

“I’m from California,” I said, but managed to mangle my accents and it came out like my old Mississippi drawl that made Jasper start snickering.

“We are going to be fine,” he reassured me. “Are you?”

I shrugged. “I’m a survivor,” I said.

“Hurry the hell up, Jasper!” Rosalie bellowed from one of the cars.

“She’s such a delicate flower,” I deadpanned, and Jasper was shaking from the effort of trying not to laugh.  

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too. Call me?” I sighed, pulling away. “Or email. I don’t want everyone listening in on me bitching about high school. Didn’t you say the sisters were from, like, twelfth-century Russia? Oh god, you’re going to be shut into some ridiculous ski lodge with beautiful blonde Russians in Alaska,” I moaned.

“I can assure you, the appeal of Tanya and her sisters fades once you hear their, ah, stories,” Jasper made a face. “I will be hanging around the Denali house, sending you dozens upon dozens of messages, waiting for the appropriate time to call and irritating Edward with my constant thoughts of you.”

Rose was now pressing the horn in an obnoxious pattern of sounds.

“Rosalie is going to spontaneously combust if you don’t leave now,” I said. “Kiss for the road?”

Jasper smiled and me, and pulled me back to him. “If the lady so wishes.”

//

“You take the pills, or you go to a hospital in Seattle, Alice,” Mom said flatly, holding out two pills and a glass of water. “I can have you there first thing tomorrow, if that’s what you choose. But those are your only options.”

//

The little white pills took only two days to drag me under.

It was like I was half-asleep all the time, and just going through the motions. My life revolved around how soon I could crawl back into my bed.

The nightmares didn’t really leave me, either – they simply turned soupy and surreal, and I no longer had the energy to scream. I would drag myself out of bed at the last minute, pull on whatever clothes came to hand, and pick at my toast in the car. At school, I drifted from class to class, until it was time to go home. Ellie was under strict orders to drive me to and from school for the time being, which made life easier. When I got home, I would simply shower and crawl into bed. Mom would usually wake me after dinner, with something to eat, before I went back to sleep.

My homework was ignored and my classwork was neglected badly. I pretty much quit dance classes, and had handed over Rose’s keys without resistance. The hard-won weight I had gained since I arrived in Forks slipped away. I had no interest in food or drawing or shopping.

Mom was happy, though. She didn’t seem to care that I was in danger of failing entirely, or that sleep was my focus. Weekends were the worst – I’d drag myself down for breakfast at noon, sleep until dinner and then go straight back to bed. Just showering and changing burnt away any dregs of energy I had left.

Mom had won the war, and I was medicated into oblivion. She didn’t care that I was still having nightmares, that I wanted to scream but couldn’t – she was sleeping through the night again.

Jasper was calling and messaging me regularly. It was exhausting to reply and pretend everything was fine. I wanted nothing more than for him to come home and be here, to beg him to come home to me. But I couldn’t do it. I knew he worried about me normally, being a totally ordinary, squishy little human, let alone with all my issues and problems. I didn’t want to validate all those fears by asking him to help me. I needed to be able to be without him. And he’d been gone for ages – they had to be getting ready to come home soon.  

I remember rolling over and finding Cyn and Ellie in my room; Ellie sitting on my desk chair backwards, Cyn lying next to me on the bed. I’d be having a nice dream for once, of Jasper and I, back at the Cullen house. Late afternoon sunlight was spilling through the windows, as Cyn and Ellie watched me.

“What’s up?” I yawned, burying my face back into my pillow.

“Just came to see if you were okay,” Ellie said evenly.

“You were crying,” Cyn said in a small voice. “You were calling out for Jasper Hale, and we didn’t want Mom to hear.”

I opened one eye at nodded at the pillow in Cyn’s lap. “You were going to smother me?” I slurred.

“We told you that you were dreaming and you stopped calling out,” Ellie said. “You look like shit.”

“It’s like 4pm. Can you guys let me sleep?” I huffed, burying myself under my quilt.

“Mom and Craig are fighting,” Cyn said. “About you.”

I blinked and sat up, groggy and miserable. “What did I do now?”

“Dad wants you to rejoin the land of the living or go to the hospital in Seattle,” Ellie said, picking up a china rabbit from my desk and inspecting it. “He thinks that this sleeping all the time is creepy as hell. I agree, for the record.”

“Mom thinks you just need some time to get used to the medicine,” Cyn said, stretching out on my bed, so our hair blended on the pillow.

I noticed after that, Cyn and Ellie were suddenly more helpful. Ellie started doing my laundry for me, clean clothing appearing folded in my bedroom every so often. Cyn would bring me up a drink every now and then – sometimes I would wake up to find her reading or playing on her phone next to me.

“Jasper called,” she told me one afternoon, sliding off the bed.

“I’ll call him back after dinner,” I said, flopping.

“I told him you were sleeping,” she said, looking guilty.

“You answered my phone?” I said, annoyed.

“He rang like five times,” Cyn said. “He said you haven’t called him back. He was making sure you’re okay. Which you aren’t.” And with that, she flounced out of the room.

The Beautiful & The Strange

I hissed as I caught my finger, a small cut opening on my finger.

And then I looked up to realise Jasper had crossed the room instantly, his eyes darkening and focused on the bead of blood welling on my finger tip.

Other than the obvious ‘time of the month’, when I made myself scarce, and the incident with James at the ballet school, I was careful not to bleed around the Cullens. They all said there was really no human equivalent of bloodlust for humans (though that question had sparked a frankly disturbing debate about the psychology of psychopaths and serial killers), and I believed them. I couldn’t imagine any sensation or thing that would inspire any member of this family to commit a murder. I couldn’t think of a thing that would drive me to kill someone I loved, either. Whatever bloodlust felt like, it was far out of my realm of understanding.

And now I was standing in my boyfriend’s study with my hand mid-air, a cut on my finger, and Jasper’s focus one hundred percent on that innocent drop of blood.

I won’t lie and say I wasn’t nervous. But I was more nervous that I wasn’t nervous, if that makes sense. He was tempted; his darkening eyes told me that. And if he truly wanted it, I would be exsanguinated and cold on the floor in seconds. No one was going to debate how deadly or effective a killer Jas was.

Instead, biting my lip, I watched as he gently took my wrist, as if I were made of porcelain, and pull my hand towards him, as the blood ran down my finger.

“Don’t,” I said softly, almost hoping it wouldn’t break the spell. He looked up at me. “I don’t want this to make it harder for you.”

He chuckled darkly and met my gaze as his lips wrapped around my finger. My mouth dropped open in surprise… and, um, something else a moment later, as his tongue lapped at the cut.

There wasn’t enough blood from that tiny cut to change his eye colour or even offer any satisfaction. It would only exasperate the burn in his throat, the tiniest taste of what he had been trying so hard to resist for so long. But as much as I tried to focus on the horrible ramifications of what had just transpired, I was losing the battle with the awareness that his tongue on my finger seemed to be connected to all of my extremities with a live wire.

I was suddenly terribly aware of how loud my breathing was, and how warm I was, and how Jasper was looking at me like a tiger might look at a bunny rabbit.

He released my hand and I pulled it away – the blood already clotting – and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him towards me hard, as I stood on my tip-toes, tugging him down to my level. Momentum and Jasper trying not to crush me meant that we ended up pressed against the wall, my hands tangled in his hair, legs around his waist, and his hands supporting my thighs. It was only my regular need for oxygen that pulled us apart, only for him to pull me into another kiss.

And these were kisses. Not the kind that a high school boyfriend gave a high school girlfriend. These were nothing like what we’d had before, and I’d been very – very – happy with our previous efforts.

These were deep and passionate, and definitely the precursor to something big. I was intensely away of his hands on my thighs, and how warm I felt, and how I didn’t feel like I was close enough to him, even though his belt buckle was going to leave an indentation in my skin.

And, frankly, he couldn’t deny that I was having the same effect on him. I could feel him hard against me through his jeans, and for a dazed second, I wondered if it would really be such a bad idea, if we could just get to the couch… He could take whatever he wanted from me and I would be a willing participant. My hips rocked against him as if they had a mind of their own and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.

Jasper’s lips pulled away from mine, only to graze my cheek and jaw before taking up residence against my throat, licking and sucking, his teeth gently grazing the skin and I was vaguely aware that at any second, he could rip open that thin layer of skin and drain me dry – it was so much more important to focus on the fact that it felt like my whole body was throbbing in time with Jasper’s gentle sucking.

But before I could open my mouth and suggest that he just… help himself to whatever he wanted with my enthusiastic consent, there was a thump at the door and Edward stormed in, glaring at us.

Jasper pulled away only enough to twist around to growl slightly at the intruder, whilst I was suddenly aware of the position we’d been caught in.

“You need to stop now, Jasper,” Edward said in an even voice that was tinged slightly with irritation. “You’re influencing her, and you might hurt her.”

Jasper glared at him, and then turned to face me. I smiled at him, suddenly shy, and Edward let out a huff of air.

“Are you alright, Alice?” he asked, offering me a smile that was more of a grimace as Jasper finally put me on the ground, and seemed to truly realise what had just transpired between us, jerking away from me abruptly with a look of shame flashing across his face.

“I…” he just stared at me in horror.

I looked up at him, and then over at Edward. “Thank you. I know that probably wasn’t much fun to have to hear,” and then thought at him, ‘Jas and I need to talk. That was unexpected and a little messed up and he hates himself right now. Doesn’t like to be human.’

The irritation left his face and he shook his head, turning to leave. “It’s a small price to pay to make sure you’re okay,” he said, closing the door behind us.

Jasper was pacing, and refusing to look me in the eye. I could see the tension in every line of his body.

“Are you okay?” I asked gently, padding over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, making him freeze on the spot, but he didn’t say anything. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I continued. “I would have said somet…”

“No, you wouldn’t have,” Jasper said coldly. “I was influencing you. I wanted it, so I made you want it. I wanted your blood, and I wanted your body, and I was going to take it and make you think it you wanted it too.”

I huffed and pulled away to face him, entangling his fingers in mine. “I think you are being a drama queen,” I said sweetly, and he scowled at me, trying to pull away until I started to pout, and then he gave up. “You probably were projecting. But don’t think for a minute that you were forcing me or coercing me into something I don’t want, too. I have dedicated a lot of hours into picturing that scenario – ask Edward, he’s probably overheard more than he wanted to.  

“And you, amazingly enough, are a vampire. You want blood. I cut myself. It was enough to trigger bloodlust and regular lust. Besides, when was the last time you even had sex?”

Jasper glared at me.

“I assume it was before the invention of the wheel?” I smirked and that cracked his façade.

“Don’t sass me, darlin’,” he murmured, pulling his hands from mine, to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I grinned, before I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“I’m sorry we can’t have sex,” I said to him with a soft sigh. “I’m sorry I’m stupid and human and breakable and I don’t want to be changed straight away. I wish I was like Bella and wanted to be changed as soon as possible, but I’m not. I just can’t.”

“Woah,” Jasper said, pulling me back, staring at me with surprise. “Alice, you don’t ever have to apologise for any of those things.  You deserve to have any life you want, and you shouldn’t ever feel that living your human life is wrong in any way.

“Darlin, you do not owe me or anyone else your humanity. You do not have to sacrifice your life to keep me or anyone else in this family with you. I should be apologising to you for not being able to give you a normal, human life. For being this… monster who cannot distinguish between bloodlust and physical lust…”

I shook my head as he trailed off. “I want so many things, and I think they’re impossible,” I whispered, and he reached out to trace my cheek.

“And I thought that after all the things I’d done and seen,” he said in a rough voice, “that all those things that I never admitted I wanted were impossible. And then a tiny girl in pink bounded up to me at a wedding, with the biggest blue eyes, and asked me my name. Now? I don’t think anything is really impossible.”

I smiled at him. “Don’t hate yourself,” I repeated. “I love you, and I know you, and I know that you would never force me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. Know that I’m pretty sure all those thoughts and feelings I’ve been inspiring in you, you inspire in me, too.”

Wonderland

It was quite strange to be in a house with more than a dozen vampires. It was the most uncomfortable I had ever been in the Cullen household – even though the Cullens had very carefully kept me to another section of the house. I hadn’t laid eyes on any of these ‘friends’ yet, but I was intensely aware of them. It was a very strange feeling.

Esme had, of course, fixed me an enormous dinner (for someone who hadn’t eaten in eighty years, Esme was a flawless cook. She claimed she practiced feeding the wolves) before Jasper marched me upstairs to go to bed.

“We don’t sleep. You do,” he said at my complaints.

“I’m fine,” I said, spinning around and out of his grasp. “I’d like to meet your friends.”

“And you will,” Jasper lunged suddenly, caught me around the waist and scooped me up like a bride. “Tomorrow morning, over breakfast. After at least eight hours sleep.”

“Ugh, that’s so boring,” I complained, enjoying the feeling of being cradled against him, and thanked whoever gave me the visions that I hadn’t worn tights today – this was one of the rare occasions I had managed to get Jasper to put his hands on me.

Bella saw Jasper carrying me up the stairs and snorted with laughter.

“It will give us a chance to tell everyone about you,” Jasper said quietly. “Prepare them.”

“I’m pretty sure they would have smelt the human girl as soon as they hit the property line,” I said.

“Your visions, Alice.”

“Fine,” I huffed and then frowned in confusion as we walked past Jasper’s study. “Where am I staying?” I had slept on the couch in Jasper’s study a few times, and had expected to do so again. Knowing the sole purpose of beds in this household, I actually preferred a couch or chair.

There was a small doorway at the other end of the hall, underneath the stairs.

“Esme and I agreed that you needed some place to sleep, properly,” Jasper said, setting me on my feet and motioning to the door.

I pushed open the door and stared. It was a small room, with a huge window overlooking the forest. A bed sat in the middle of the room, made up with pretty blue floral bedding. Pretty sketches and watercolours of dancers and flowers were dotted around the room. A blue chair was in one corner, with a small writing desk and a narrow wardrobe.

“You didn’t buy all this for me,” I stammered.

“No,” Jasper smiled. “Old pieces we weren’t using. “Esme wanted you to be comfortable when you’re with us.”

I shook my head, smiling. “She already cooks for me and takes me shopping. She didn’t need to do this.”

“She wanted to. I wanted to,” Jasper reached out and cupped my cheek. “I want you to feel at home.”

“You’re here. How else would it feel?” I said softly, feeling my cheeks warm.

Twenty minutes later (ten of them filled with scorching kisses that I wish, wish, wish had gone further), I was in my pyjamas, tucked into my new bed.

I did end up sleeping deeply - though, I suspect, not without some emotional encouragement.